Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
