Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
