she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
