So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
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