I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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