no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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