So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
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