i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
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