there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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