I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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