k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Randomize
