tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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