Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
