I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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