dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
All the doctor said was why
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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