everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
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