you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize