I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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