dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
