You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
