i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
