If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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