Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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