Kareoke will never be a sober sport
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
now i know why i became what i already was.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
the day after is always just damage control
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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