I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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