If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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