im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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