Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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