....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
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