The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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