like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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