...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
