and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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