i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
