She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
