obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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