Someone shit on the floor
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
