I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
