It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
