did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Randomize
