she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
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