do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
