I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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