saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
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