PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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