Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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