Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
