Buhtt sex?
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
