There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
she looked like the before picture.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
