So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
