you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
people are starting to question the shark bite story
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
