There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Randomize
