i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
