Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
