I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
