There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Thank you for not boning my boss.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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