Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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