fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
