and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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