I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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