I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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